Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
