oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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