This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hippo gnu deer
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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