but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize