No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
