I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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