yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
