boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
