I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
