omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
