Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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