im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
