We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
