can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
