I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
