dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
