she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
