there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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