quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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