I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
