the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Randomize
