I cannot find my penis.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I've blown a few things in my day
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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