We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
