I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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