I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
