tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize