I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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