i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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