I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Of course I have a pirate flag
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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