I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
