these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
