as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
