Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We left the knife in your bed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
