oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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