my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
