he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
