I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
