Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
