she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
