He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
