During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Help. Why am I so naked?
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