I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
