So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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