If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
