Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
