My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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