Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
