theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
