"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
