I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
