"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
