Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
