well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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