she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
