i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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