Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
