The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
