kristin has been a bad kristin
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
