Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
