thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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