Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
