he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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