for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
