I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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