I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
