I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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