I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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