I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
