I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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