I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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