i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
