did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
