I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Your cock deserves a montage
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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