that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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