New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
