The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
