UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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