Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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