my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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