We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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